When Was the Last Time You Truly Chose You?

Behind the books
Reflections inspired by Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot

Have you ever looked around your life and quietly wondered: “When did I stop choosing for myself?”

So many of us live on autopilot—supporting others, doing what’s expected, putting out fires before we even recognize our own needs. We tick off to-do lists, handle the logistics of daily life, and somehow lose track of our own dreams along the way. Until something cracks. Not always loudly. Sometimes it’s just a whisper, a missed heartbeat, or a glass of wine that tastes like a warning.

In Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot, Joanne reaches that point. She’s been the steady one for years—the dependable wife, mother, and daughter. But then she unexpectedly collapses and finds herself at a crossroads. The beach she retreats to hides more than memories, and a spontaneous trip to a long-lost brother in France becomes a turning point she never saw coming.

There are many favorite scenes for me in this book, starting with the moment she drives away—choosing her own direction, not because she had a plan, but because she couldn’t bear to stay. Then there’s the moment she orders the whole menu at a café because she’s no longer capable of making a simple choice. I love how she leans into the chaos of her emotions, allowing herself to unravel a little, to fall apart in order to find something new. Her journey takes her from confusion to clarity, from silence to voice. From the beach, back to her family, to France, she begins retrieving herself—almost like a warm therapy session wrapped in unexpected detours.

One quote at the beginning of her journey that captures her inner shift is this:

“That was surprisingly easy; I simply left the key in the lock on the inside. Now he can’t do a thing. Well, except call my name and yell what the hell is going on. But I don’t know what’s going on so, I don’t answer. That I’m tired. That I’ve had enough.”

That’s what this story is really about: tuning back in to the life you almost forgot you had permission to want.

As women—as caretakers, planners, givers—we’re often the last ones on our own list. Joanne’s journey is a reminder that it’s never too late to change that. Never too late to pack a bag, follow a hunch, or say yes to something (or someone) unexpected.

It’s messy. It’s liberating. It’s painfully honest. And it’s about time.

This book was written for anyone who has ever thought: Is this all there is? And for anyone brave enough to find out the answer.

Because here’s the thing: sometimes we wait for permission to choose ourselves. But what if that permission never comes? What if you are the only one who can give it?

 

Reviewers said about Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot : “Nanda Roep writes in a rather unique style. It is character-focused. It is witty. It is funny, but it is serious. It blends humour with earnest messages and important themes. It reveals an extraordinary depth of understanding of what drives women to hang on when it’s all too hard, and what prompts some to just run away.”

I can’t imagine a better reaction.

🧠 What would you do if you had the freedom to start over—at any age? Would you take it? Or wait until life forces your hand?

💬 I’d love to hear your thoughts. Your story matters, too.

👈 Come join the conversation on my Facebook author page and share what you would do. Let’s talk about fresh starts, quiet strength, and daring to choose you.

 

Discover “Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot” – a heartfelt, feelgood novel about starting over in midlife. When life falls apart, one woman finds freedom, friendship, and a second chance among the vineyards of France.

 

📖 Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot is now available in English – perfect for book clubs, beach days, and bold hearts.

“Wonderful book. Thrilling and romantic at the same time!”
– Marieke ‘t Hart (Editor-in-Chief, Telegraaf VROUW)

“Desperate Housewives from our own backyard. Nothing is as it seems.”
– Chantal van Gastel (author of Zwaar verliefd, among others)

Note: the Dutch version you can find here.

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