The did-not-do list

 

 

A blog inspired by Midlife, Mayhem & Merlot
Behind the Books

We all love the feeling of ticking things off a to-do list. It gives us a sense of control. Progress. Achievement. That little checkmark can feel like a gold star in the chaos of daily life.

But what about the things we didn’t do?

Today, I want to honour something much more human — the Did-Not-Do List. Not to feel guilty about it, but to acknowledge it. Because what we don’t do also tells a story.

It tells us what we’re overwhelmed by. What we had to let go of. What we secretly hoped someone else might notice and take over.

🖨️ Did-not-do list:

• Pick up child from school
• Make and clean up lunch
• Take child to sports
• Buy gift with child
• Grocery shop and cook
• Help child study geography/music
• (Plan birthday party
• Write invitations
• Google high school open days)
• Drive home

That’s quite a list, isn’t it?

In Midlife, Mayhem & Merlot, the main character Joanne faces one of these days. You know the kind: everything’s already too much, and then just one more thing tips the balance. So she lets go of one task — just one. She doesn’t pick up her child from school.

Her husband (now ex-husband) reacts with fury. As if she’s done something monstrous. As if forgetting a child is the ultimate betrayal of womanhood, motherhood, responsibility. But he was right there. He could have done it. He just didn’t think he should have to.

What he didn’t understand — not right away — was that Joanne wasn’t being careless or lazy. She was quietly screaming: I’m drowning and nobody sees me.

And isn’t that what so many of us feel? That we are constantly relied upon — invisibly, silently — until we make one mistake. And suddenly, that becomes the story. Not all the things we carried. Not all the plates we kept spinning.

In Joanne’s case, it took days for the fog to clear. For him to understand that maybe he needed to change, too. That their entire system of family life was balanced unfairly on one set of shoulders. Hers.

So let’s talk about that.

Let’s talk about what happens when you don’t do something. When you drop the ball. When the lunch doesn’t get packed. When the appointment is missed. When the birthday party doesn’t get planned.

How does your environment respond? Do they shrug and step in? Do they lash out? Do they even notice?

Too often, the response is judgement — or silence. Both hurt in different ways.

But what if we changed that? What if we celebrated the Did-Not-Do List as a moment of truth? As a sign that something needs rebalancing, not punishing?

When we ignore our Did-Not-Do Lists, we ignore what our bodies and hearts are trying to say: This is too much.

💜 So today, I honour the things I didn’t do. Not as failures. But as signals.

Signals that it’s time to rest. Or speak up. Or ask for help. Or change the rules entirely.

Maybe you want to do the same?

Let me know: 👉 What’s on your Did-Not-Do List? 👉 And how did the people around you react?

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are just… human.

💬 I’d love to hear your thoughts. Your story matters, too.

👈 Come join the conversation on my Facebook author page and share what you would do. Let’s talk about fresh starts, quiet strength, and daring to choose you.

With love and courage,
Nanda Roep
Author of Midlife, Mayhem & Merlot

 

Reviewers said about Midlife, Mayhem and Merlot : “Nanda Roep writes in a rather unique style. It is character-focused. It is witty. It is funny, but it is serious. It blends humour with earnest messages and important themes. It reveals an extraordinary depth of understanding of what drives women to hang on when it’s all too hard, and what prompts some to just run away.”

I can’t imagine a better reaction.